So I set an alarm for 5:30 a.m. with the idea of doing yoga and prayer before Lauds at 7:00. I said to myself, if I happen to be awake at 3:00 I will go to Vigils, but otherwise, Lauds will be good enough. Then at 10:10 p.m. I went to bed. Which is ridiculously early for me.
I slept in chunks, drifting in and out of dreams and wakefulness. I know this is a fairly natural way to sleep, actually, so I am not troubled by it. I had some interesting dreams, though most have fled from me now. As you might anticipate, I woke up at 2:47. Ha! said I. That is not 3:00! I'll go back to sleep. Which I did. Until 2:55. Ha! said I. Still not 3:00. I'll go back to sleep. Which I did. Until 3:01. Well, I could have said that wasn't 3:00 either, but the point was becoming obvious. I got up, dressed, and headed to the chapel.
It was dark and a little drippy out, but not unpleasant. As I started out, there was a light across the field, which I took to be most likely the chapel. The phrase "I looked, and I saw…" popped to mind. Not that going to chapel at 3:15 a.m. is like a biblical vision, but there it was.
For a moment or two I became anxious. I was walking in the dark in an unfamiliar and remote place. What if there were wild beasties out here? Well, I guess there would be worse ways to die than being on the way to worship.
As I walked I looked back at the retreat house, which was softly illuminated from within. I noticed a shadow across the wall as I walked. Surely, that wasn't my shadow? I looked to see what might cause enough light for it to have been, and there was nothing. Then I noticed a flashlight back by the door I had come from -- ah. This other person made the shadow, no doubt. I thought I heard someone say "Wow!" which I took as the person being surprised to see another person, that is me, on the road ahead. The person with the light was walking pretty quickly and caught up fast. I thought we might walk together, so I stopped and waited. Upon approaching the man said, "Good morning!" and I replied in kind. Then he sped past me, walking at a fast clip. A little surprised, I fell in, but found I couldn't keep up! At least not at the speeds I was willing to go. I mean, it was clear that the man was not interested in having a walking partner, so why impress myself upon him? I suspect he was one of the monks. So, content with my own gate, I watched as he moved on ahead, his light cutting the darkness, his form silhouetted. I was nevertheless comforted by that passing light, leading the way, and serving either as another target for any wild beasties or someone to assist or at least report if I were attacked.
Along the way, the lights from the gift shop began to fill the space. As the man's flashlight was now long out of range, I was somewhat comforted by this light, although as an amateur astronomer accustomed to darkness and ever vigilant about light pollution, I was somewhat annoyed by it, too. I wondered if there were some spiritual significance to my being attracted and repulsed by the light. Wasn't that part of the reading from Toward God last night? I think it was. Wasn't that part of what I had talked with KK about re: our spiritual lives last week? I think it was.
As I turned onto the monastery campus, I heard a cow or some other animal lowing in the distance. "Wow," it seemed to say. Aha. My traveling non-companion had not been so impressed with me, which made more sense. I laughed.
All that, just on the walk over to the chapel.
The service of Vigils was longer than Compline, about 40 minutes. Mostly psalms read antiphonally, with a reading from Acts and a meditation on the humility of Pope Francis thrown in. I enjoyed the psalms, even read in that odd way of monks. I think they do it that way so they have to think about every syllable, being more conscious of the words and the Word. I wonder if it works. No singing this time. Ah, well.
I made my way back, behind what I think was a different fellow with a flashlight, again noticing the darkness and distant lights, but this time with the words of the psalmist in my head, "The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge."
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